Published March 21, 2009
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,254 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
This sounds very interesting! I've never heard of Hades (also known as Pluto and/or Dis) having children. Proserpina/Persephone was one of the only goddesses without children.
Also, you have a little bit of a problem with your punctuation. When you type a period or comma in a sentence, you don't need to put a space before it -- the space should come after the word.
For example (this is the correct way!):
Cally, my best friend, waved for me to come sit next to her. I went over to the stands where she was sitting.
This is how you are typing it:
Cally ,my best friend ,waved for me to come sit next to her .I went over to the stands where she was sitting.
Does that help some?
PM me if you have any questions.
Hope this helped,
Sakura
"
If you look into behind my eyes you will see the truth and grief, see through my smiles"
You should get rid of "behind" it makes more sense.
There are a few grammar errors you should fix.
Also, where exactly are you going with this? Maybe it's simply to early for this story to have a plot, but I don't really understand much of it.
Yes, the greek gods and all of that is very interesting don't get me wrong, but I don't get it. What has it got to do with the title?
You should fix the ending, however I must congartulate you on a most excellent beginning (apart from the grammar mistakes) . It was mysterious and it made me want to read more and the language was beautiful.
To answer your question, you should definately keep on writing more of this. Only maybe, some of the things you wrote now you could mention later in the story , or something like that.